"I don't need a thing. My good shepherd brings me all... You are all I need. You let me catch my breath even in the valley of death. You are all I need. All I need to be complete is Your love, Your blood that covers me. You lift up my head. You provide the wine and bread. You are all I need. There's no need to fear even with my enemies here. You are all I need. All I need to be complete is Your love, Your blood that covers me. Goodness and mercy are following me. You're all that I need. You make a home for me where pastures are green as far as I see. You are all I need."
I think that I've become so dependent on other people for how I define myself and whether or not I feel valued. This is something I've been realizing in my life for about a year now. Last fall at the Wesley foundation I was prophesied over and one of the things I was told is that the Lord has claimed me for Himself and that he wants this time for Him and me to fall in love. I don't think I allowed the Lord to have that time He desired to declare in my life... Instead I turned to falling in love with myself. I decided that if I wasn't going to fall in love with a man any time soon then I might as well show myself some love. I started losing weight and running and
setting all these goals for myself. Every time I reached one of these goals I felt great about myself. It was like being told I was beautiful or getting a gift. Every time I ran one more mile that I hadn't been able to run before I rejoiced in myself. Every time I reached another weight loss goal I felt prettier. Every time someone else noticed any of my personal achievements it was like being hugged or kissed by a soul mate. Instead of letting the Lord fill those voids I was letting other's words and my own pride build me up and make me feel as if I was worth something. Funny thing is, none of it was enough. Today I've practically reached my goal weight and I've finished a half marathon and I still find myself needing other people to give me worth. Another JJ song says...
"He cries in the corner where nobody sees. He's the kid with the story no one would believe. He prays every night dear God won't you please, could you send someone here who will love me. Who will love me for me? Not for what I have done or what I'll become. Who will love me for me? Cause nobody has shown me what love really means. Her office is shrinking a little each day. She's the woman whose husband has run away. She'll go to the gym after working today. Maybe if she was thinner then he would have stayed. She says who will love me for me? Not for what I have done or what I'll become. Who will love me for me? Cause nobody has shown me what love really means. He's waiting to die as he sits all alone. He's a man in a cell who
regrets what he's done. He utters a cry from the depths of his soul Oh Lord forgive me I wanna go home. And he heard a voice somewhere deep inside. It said I know you've murdered and I know you've lied. And I've watched you suffer all of your life. And now that you'll listen I'll tell you that I will love you for you. Not for what you have done or what you'll become. I will love you for you. I will give you the love that you never knew."
Now I'm in Italy and I'm totally surrounded by the beauty of the Lord. He is daily telling me that He is ready to love me for who I am IN HIM! He is proud of my accomplishments but they mean nothing to Him when I do them in pride. He wants to hug me and kiss me and give me
gifts of beautiful things all around me. He wants me to fall in love with Him and His awesomeness. He is all I need like the first song said. I don't need a thing. That is the lesson I'm here to learn this summer. I'm here to become confident in my identity in Christ and to be loved by Him. To become a new creation that doesn't need earthly gratification. Yes, I think he gifts us with people in our lives that can bless us with words, gifts, hugs, and kisses. God's blessing me with a visit from my mom soon that I hope will be full of all of those things. But I am learning to not NEED that and to view it instead as a blessing from God. So that's the new creation I want to manifest in me this summer and that is why I decided on a butterfly.... First I molded the different body parts and then made a platform for them. Then I attached it all together and let it dry... it still isn't dry but it is finally at a stage I can put the first coats of what they call slip on it. The slip is a white clay that is liquidy so that after the first fire I can paint it and the paint will go on in a more opaque way instead of a glossy stain type. So this is after two coats of slip and before the first fire.
Abby this is a beautiful post ;)
ReplyDeleteI really can't explain what reading this did to me....
...thank you.